Drifting Flowers

隨著火車軌道延綿的回憶，我的青春從長長的繃帶中流轉成蕾絲胸罩。母親在上學前突襲檢查我的青澀叛逆，離家後變成一串串幻滅成長故事的淚水。無法不去想像到韶華年老歲月，嚴重驚慌對於孤獨終身。列車裡我們的故事交錯，上車、下車，坐下、離開，會看到那個擁有共同核心價值的剪影嗎？我好懷疑。

第五季把億萬光年外的秘密祈禱曝光，她悲慟流淚我一陣鼻酸。終究是一個人的事，好萊塢之外的現實。二十四小時後醒來新的流年，重新開始退隱蟄伏；現在這樣，就好了...有期望，就會有失望。所以，

一步一步，走下去，等下去；有一天，曙光會再現。對吧？...

We look very T/ B today

T stands for me, B stands for you. Every time I see them, I see us. Always wonder if you see any coincidence in those scenes, just like audience wonder how would they exactly end in the story. From the beginning I strongly felt the identity; in the middle, I felt it still; till now, I couldn’t agree anymore of those struggles, confusions, jealousy, missing, and expectations.

I know it’s a fiction, just happened to be so real. Audience can see clearly because they are audience who has been told by the story teller that characters still care for each other. Every stage, every chapter, is so vivid like what we bump into in these years. We apart for meeting new people and experiencing different lives, we apart for truly understanding and forgiving each other, but are we apart for getting back again one day? There is no story teller to tell us, only suspensions in the air. Like them in the story…

I don’t know, do you have answer for that? Or again, let time proves, let fate decide? I don’t know, I don’t know… I am looking forward to the finale and hoping it’s a rebound circle like the little wishing star in velvet sky. It’s alright that a girl can dream, right?

Hanging Up

很久以前，看過這部片。當時僅覺得故事角色跟我們家一樣，有三個姊妹，彼此個性不同、獨立各有所長，有各自的事業和愛情。平常見面不多，但事實上卻也互相愛著對方，也愛著家。2000年，我剛畢業，兩個妹妹也都還在唸書。

不久之前，在電視上重播又看了一次。看完以後我嚎啕大哭不已，劇情竟然深刻上演了目前家裡的狀況。老大一直努力要讓自己成功，擁有公眾魅力，當個女強人，離家最遠。老二結婚生子，就近照顧因衰老而漸失記憶的父親，在事業、自己的家庭和原生家庭中奔波，經常感到疲憊。老三，有夢想有衝勁，想做什麼就做什麼，一派老么的個性。2008年末，我們家三姊妹都踏入社會工作了。

姊姊一直在事業上打拼，遠走他鄉。我也是，當然沒有電影裡面那麼稱頭亮麗的職銜。

老二步入婚姻，工作有聲有色。但穿梭公事與家庭，讓她很累。妳也是，尤其回到高雄之後；而且跟電影裡一樣，妳跟父親的情感連結，是我們其他人公認最堅牢的。

老么說她的夢想是當演員，長大她就去了；最後說她不想當了，就換跑道。妳也是，想做什麼就做了，雖然有時候姊姊們會忽略妳的意見，但姊姊們都是疼愛妳的。

這部片，讓離家十三年的我，極度想要回家。我不想再和妳們分開，我不想要子欲養而親不待。這麼長的時間以來，我該經歷的都經歷了，我該犯的錯都犯過了，我想要嘗試的都嘗試過了，我想要擁有的也擁有過了。愛也愛過、恨也恨過，還有什麼好追求的？

人生每個階段都有所謂的轉捩點，我想現在就是。可是這時局亂成這樣，我又把自己搞成這樣，怎麼離開？

Japanese food

It is poison, listening to those stories where i dont belong. Again, im killing myself slowly and gently.

You are right about one thing tonight, the worst part of this year has passed. Yes, i believe everything will get better and better in this worse and worse world. Yesterday i was still afraid of losing all and restart over again, but today i am expecting everything can begin from zero once more.

Another chance for another life. Im not done with you, there are more Japanese food to have.

賴皮

很可愛的字眼，卻是折煞耐心的態度。除了無奈無能為力，實在別無他法只能無限催促與等待，既得利益者的忽視。就像頭條新聞一樣無止盡的謊言和拖拉，幾乎要把人逼向絕境。對著網頁不斷reload，期待回音出現數字出現，殊不知想進死胡同裡會讓人陷入焦慮焦躁不安，然後逐漸陷入瘋狂歇斯底里？

放了彼此吧！挺起肩膀挑起原本屬於自己的責任，人們都看的見一曝十寒的經營和不景氣的奢華享受，妳要騙誰？對岸沒有這裡的舉證，一頭栽入就像去年此時。關掉留言版不會停止事實揭露，延遲處置只會讓風聲更淒厲，聰明永遠被聰明誤，積非成是的結果終將導向大批判。

爆點之際，玉石俱焚。

You're timeless to me (from Hairspray)

You're like a stinky old cheese, just getting better with age.
You're like a fatal desease, but there's no cure so let the fever rage.
Some folks can't stand it, say time is a bandit.
But i take the opposite view cause when i need a lift,
time brings a gift, another day with you.
A twist or a waltz, its all the same schmaltz,
with just a change in the scenery.
You'll never be old hat.
That's that.
You're timeless to me.

You're like a broken down chevy,
all you need is a fresh coat of paint.
You got me going hot and heavy, you're fat and old,
but boring you ain't.
Some folks don't get it, but we never fret it.
Cause we know that time is our friend.
It's to plain to see that you're stuck with me until the bitter end.
You'll always hit the spot, big shot,
you're timeless to me.

You'll always be du jour mon amour,
You're timeless to me.
You'll always be first string, ring-a-ding,
you're timeless to me.

North Country

這部片子還好沒有我想像中過份凌虐猙獰的畫面，但的確引起被害的同慨。

自幼被強暴後以為自己可以假裝沒事繼續長大成人的堅強與看不見的恐懼陰霾讓女性更有韌性，儘管必須瞞著雙親還要對抗無知之人的詆毀謾罵或者戴上面具度日。可是當女人有了想要守護的東西時，一切的一切都可以為他/她/它做到，孩子、情人、家庭...任何她覺得值得用生命去抵禦的人事物。可是最後最勇敢動容的是說出來，是的，說出來。Speak up! Speak up! （我聯想到 Legally Blond 2的台詞）接著我想到的是感謝那些偉大的女性們在廿世紀末之前促成性騷擾防制條款並遍及全世界的文明國家，從過去君權/男權至上過渡到現在男女平等，沒有她們現在身為女同性戀的我大概會更慘。可我突然發現，在仍不被完全平等對待的同性戀社群裡，這件事情竟成了一個有冤無處申的漏洞？！

片中女性為了求一份餬口工作，幾乎全數對於種種 abuse 忍氣吞聲，即便身心再如何受創，她們選擇不要反抗、不要出聲、逆來順受，只要每個月能拿到薪水養活自己、養活父母、養活小孩。男人們用群體力量、用工作權利、用錢！去 abuse 女人。同性的感情世界呢？因為稀有、因為得來不易，遇上自己人都比一般人更加親切；但其中有些人卻利用這一點 abuse 了自己人。因為同樣性別，所以有著更大的包容心，被架到廁所，被半夜抓起來做，被頤指氣使，被堵住嘴不能出聲，被辱罵個狗血淋頭，被批評到一無是處，被物盡其用...都安靜地概括承受。也許妳會想問為什麼那些傻瓜要這樣被 abuse 呢？因為她/他們以為不管有沒有承諾，如果 fight back，打的是可是自己人！革命尚未成功，同志仍須努力，怎麼能先窩裡反？我們極力在撇清社會版上的負面新聞了，怎又能因為對自己人的愚忠愚孝與寬容又多添一樁？況且，總以為有情有義，總以為弄假成真，總以為有一天會快樂幸福，總以為每個同伴都會珍惜、尊重同伴的情誼是件很基本的格調...。

電影的真實故事最後有了所謂集體訴訟的正義伸張；可是圈內此起彼落的事件卻無法集合。她/他們都在無盡黑夜裡痛哭失聲後各自療癒傷口想辦法釋懷，然後聽著一件又一件重複的戲碼在遠遠近近之處發生、結束、又發生、又結束...。當女主角在原告席看到法庭中一個個挺身而出的受害人和朋友們從座位上陸陸續續站起來支持聲援的時候，深深呼吸雙手掩面然後流下苦盡甘來的眼淚。但還要到哪一天，她/他們才會鼓起勇氣指控？