Sudden anxious grasps my chest after short nap from viewing DVD for pleasure. It’s Sunday night before normal working day, formerly. Heart is beating fast like hummingbird’s wings, am I panic?
Deviate from 12 years routines, first-time confusion after decision made. I think of you, you, you, and you. I found having hard time to wave goodbye to all these. The thought is tearing my soul apart: it would never be the same ever again.
The wet, humid, dirty city; the nonstop, grey, annoying rain; and the awful, crowded, bumpy traffic that I hated every single day. No, I’d never admit that I gonna miss them. Not at all.
But sorrow does appear, and sadness rise. I start to recall every time we gathered, every drop of alcohol we drank, every song we sang, every step we danced, every words we said, and every moment we just silenced but enjoyed in peace. Especially the quietness, I believe not everyone can just be so comfortable without a sound. We were.
I only texted to few to express the present feeling, only two of you responded. One teased me and the other one touched me. With her voice ending with goodbye I almost burst into tears again.
Everything gonna be different from now on, I’m so sentimental at this moment. A decade is not a short period and I didn’t know the reacting force is so powerful. I think I am shocked by the overwhelming splash striking on me. I’m not ready to let go?! Gosh, this is not what I need right now. I simply needed a feeling of belongingness but failed, and this is what I have got as a closure? Man, it sucks!
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