Sudden anxious grasps my chest after short nap from viewing DVD for pleasure. It’s Sunday night before normal working day, formerly. Heart is beating fast like hummingbird’s wings, am I panic?
Deviate from 12 years routines, first-time confusion after decision made. I think of you, you, you, and you. I found having hard time to wave goodbye to all these. The thought is tearing my soul apart: it would never be the same ever again.
The wet, humid, dirty city; the nonstop, grey, annoying rain; and the awful, crowded, bumpy traffic that I hated every single day. No, I’d never admit that I gonna miss them. Not at all.
But sorrow does appear, and sadness rise. I start to recall every time we gathered, every drop of alcohol we drank, every song we sang, every step we danced, every words we said, and every moment we just silenced but enjoyed in peace. Especially the quietness, I believe not everyone can just be so comfortable without a sound. We were.
I only texted to few to express the present feeling, only two of you responded. One teased me and the other one touched me. With her voice ending with goodbye I almost burst into tears again.
Everything gonna be different from now on, I’m so sentimental at this moment. A decade is not a short period and I didn’t know the reacting force is so powerful. I think I am shocked by the overwhelming splash striking on me. I’m not ready to let go?! Gosh, this is not what I need right now. I simply needed a feeling of belongingness but failed, and this is what I have got as a closure? Man, it sucks!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Finale
長久以來的等待終究發生結局，不得不重申故事與時間的巧合性。離開交錯複雜的是非之地，認清毀滅人格的真實存在性，現實生活中下不了手的就讓它在虛擬情節實現，信任摧毀就很難重建。下定決心才剛安頓又要遠離，準備抱起朋友的愛與祝福也同時發現原來這是一個密不可分的團體，支持的力量無可比擬。不安定的靈魂為何會被自殘的個性牽引，爆米花和啤酒在床上闡述道理給妳聽；當局者迷，最終也清。貫徹始末的清晨問道這麼早要去哪裡，其實才正要回去，然後那雙美麗倩影，自始至終擄獲我心。想去跟編劇用力握手說我瞭妳，更想告訴她們我也有一部拉子影集。看著每一個人露出自信姣好的微笑，我的嘴角也會揚起。
謝謝，最後仍留了希望一縷在這個愛恨交織而成的網絡星系。
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
喜怒哀樂也沒有什麼
習了妳的結法果然鞋帶不再鬆脫，
站在門口送別彷彿時光真會倒流。
簡訊說說沒有什麼，眼淚卻掀起浪濤一波又一波。
逐出街頭把自己往人堆裡送，
即便整晚半睜半闔半醒半夢。
抽煙聊聊沒有什麼，只求溫飽我的孤單寂寞。
才剛興高采烈安排朋友名單沒多久，
那個誰誰誰竟然發顛說要escort我。
耐心回回沒有什麼，內心火冒三丈眼冒金星無聲數落。
她用一晚熬出一篇十年精華濃縮，
串起段段過去回憶讓我淚眼婆娑。
自己想想沒有什麼，但原來聚沙會成塔積少會成多。
Sunday, March 8, 2009
5 years later
I sensed it when you knocked on the door, not knowing whats in your mind, even after you left the door again like you did 5 years ago.
Suddenly I feel the urge to explore your folder, which… turns out a really worst silly thing on earth. Burst into tears even not finishing the very first page, all the sadness and deepest sorrow come back to me now.
Leave away is the only thing I can do for us. What sealed in box shall remain in box. You broke my heart again.
Suddenly I feel the urge to explore your folder, which… turns out a really worst silly thing on earth. Burst into tears even not finishing the very first page, all the sadness and deepest sorrow come back to me now.
Leave away is the only thing I can do for us. What sealed in box shall remain in box. You broke my heart again.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
剖香蕉
魚鱗狀的雲灑滿整個海上，夕陽暈染出彩霞，銀白色的地平線繫住我們的天倫，什麼是完美？小寶貝學會第一句英語愛拉比油；你戴著鴨舌帽雙手交叉腦後在椅子上晃晃悠悠；她神氣地讓雷朋眼鏡在金色光芒下當導遊；她也終於自在吃到海鮮睡到自然醒；妳和我四目交會然後貼著心跳緊緊擁抱著。沙灘上黏膩我們的腳印，在我身上留下炙熱的愛，還需要什麼證明？
三十歲代表什麼終於不再是疑問，失去時間軌跡剖開香蕉應的爽快。細碎的浪花和黑夜繁星一樣多的時候，應該就沒有畏懼了。認清認清是捨不得不是認不清，突然在假寐中醒來，我鼻塞睡不著。復古懷舊竟然在未來形成一股強大的現在力量，如果真值得歌頌，我只能說潛意識萬歲。刀起髮落，話離傷留，一切因果卻奧妙到令人莞爾。再多的退讓都不會滿足，又何需執著保護，教育你不是我的責任，誰都一樣。搾乾感情只剩下耗損耐性，我越來越不在乎。
說了就算，總算也是踩著海草把貝殼撿完，這樣的成就不得了。絕對不是野外求生的自滿，絕對是適者生存的優越感。一路唱著歌，打起精神來，嘻嘻哈哈咿滴呀啦，留戀的孩子不想睡，使盡力氣也要用掉最後一格電力。海岸線捲來的咆哮我們對著叫囂，三人成眾，被侵蝕無數風洞的礁岩是最佳舞台，載歌載舞吧！當我們遠遠的漫步白沙，在自由自在的地方住下來，開出一種不再空虛的笑。
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
